i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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