Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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