i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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