He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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