her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
