Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
