is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The feeling are messing with the penis
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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