he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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