I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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