I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
