Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
