I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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