Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
