just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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