I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
