Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
