thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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