ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
