reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
