I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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