I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
