I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
