I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
