In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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