did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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