then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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