if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
