man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
