a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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