totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drake has all the answers
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize