He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize