i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
