I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
