Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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