Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
