1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
