She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
