So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
