The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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