i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
