Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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