Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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