I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
