She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
