I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
