Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
