Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
