I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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