I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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