My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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