i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
