I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
