The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You are the jesus of drinking
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
