im holly from the hills drunk
Sober January is a disaster.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
