She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
