you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
