I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
