Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
