i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
