I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize