You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And then my night got REAL pukey
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
