Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
