Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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