Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
