return my video game
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
