it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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