My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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