"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
