We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
