I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
