While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
