forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
