I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize