Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
