i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
