i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
