so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
